For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How to be a rapper in 2012: Wear skinny jeans, rap about how high drunk you get, pretend you can afford designer… — Brian Zilinek Copy Share Image
Dear shirt, I fell in love with... I hate you. Sincerely, just saw the price tag. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Recent Activity On A Girl's Profile: She Has Changed Her Profile Picture. She Has Changed Her Profile Picture. She Has Changed Her… — Faizu Copy Share Image
I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That moment someone has a bugger in their nose or something in their teeth & you don't know how to tell them… — Selena Moreno Copy Share Image
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, mom I`m a teenager, and not a baby! — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A wise man once told me, if we were all fatter we would be closer together!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Its Throwback Thursday on Instagram...Chicks showing us how much they fell off since High School... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny how you decide to IM me on Facebook saying Hey, how are you doing? But you can't reply back to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Do not be too open minded...your brains might fall off.!!! . .from m.facebook.com/Jamstaquotes — Jamsta E Ngugz Copy Share Image
