Funny Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 47

In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was…

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. Woman means:We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

— Nikhil Saluja

Why do they put alcohol on the arm of a death row inmate before they give him the needle? Are they afraid…

— Nikhil Saluja

Get excited! Today is the first day of the rest of your week.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't be the reason behind her smile, at least be the reason she walks funny for a while!

— Nikhil Saluja

After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Everytime someone tweet 'Love is in the air' I usually go & shave my balls.

— Nikhil Saluja

INFATUATION, A wasting disease easily cured -- by marriage

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when a female hypochondriac marries a pill;

— Nikhil Saluja

For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

To me, drink responsibly means don't spill it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A word that should be pronounced as mirage;

— Nikhil Saluja

You are honorable... when you find your honor is to honor others.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

I miss the days where I starred you and you retweeted me.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A female who would rather mend your ways than your socks;

— Nikhil Saluja

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

— Nikhil Saluja

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only virtue that can be divided endlessly and still not be diminished;

— Nikhil Saluja

History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it.

— Nikhil Saluja