Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Whoever you hate will end up in your family. You don't like gays? You're gonna have a gay son. You don't like… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
And even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you don't gotta go to no doctor to get it taken out,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Every man has to settle down eventually. You know why you gotta settle down eventually? Because you don't want to be the… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
See Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You'd got a baseball game, or a football game, basketball game, "USA! USA! USA!" Hey, calm down! Got a little German on… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Not a Harvard-type education, just a not-sticking-up-a-liquor-store-type education. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
It's hard for a man to turn down sex... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
That's all we had when I was a kid: Robitussin. No matter what you got, Robitussin better handle it. "Daddy, I got… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
All you crazy white people "I'm American!", all you did was come out of your mother's pussy on American soil. That's it.… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Show me one guy or woman as funny as Rodney Dangerfield or as good as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, or… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched. — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
My mother got sick when I was rich. And my mother, you know … I don’t really want to get into it, but my… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Here's the thing. When we talk about race relations in America or racial progress, it's all nonsense. There are no race relations. White people… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
I was raised to believe that you had to do things better than white people in order to succeed. The old black shows were… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
