That awkward distance of deciding whether or not to hold the door for someone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Its funny when you find out afterword that you were being played the whole time. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear McDonald's Cashier, Don't give me that look... Last time I checked, there was no age limit on Happy Meals. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Before you marry someone, ask yourself, 'Will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Has anybody read the book Thirteen Reasons Why I am reading it right now and its pretty good so far if you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd like to wish you a happy and healthy new year by making a sound terrifying enough to give you a heart… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That Awkward Moment when you turn your phone off for a really long time, and expect to have milliions of missed calls… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I went to the hurley house today....i wasnt hungry...i just wanted to watch that old lady walk in nakid again! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's comforting that even the Pope has an overwhelming urge to quit his job on Mondays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't call me if you're gonna talk to your cousin, mama, daddy, little sister, best friend, neighbor, dog, grandma etc in the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This blonde chick called me the other day. I couldn't stop laughing at her, because the first thing she said was, can… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Mom,look! Very nice. Oh, that's cool how you saw withoutactually looking — Anonymous Copy Share Image
14 days until Valentines Day, aka 14 days until a night at home alone complaining about stupid couples, because I'm forever alone. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear pimples, if you are going to live on my face, I am going to need to see some rent... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Happy Hump Day and Happy Leap Day everyone! Put them together, and you get an odd conversation with your spouse. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Federal and state laws (should) be changed to no longer make it a crime to possess marijuana for private use. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife said I was bad in bed so I banged her on the coffee table. Location. Location. Location. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I'm bored I send a text to a random number saying 'I hid the body.' or 'I'm pregnant.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Come around, feel the sound. Know you make my heart pound. Fill me up, bring me down; when I hear your sound. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Question: have you had a bf befor? Answer: Yepp and I currently have one — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men wouldn't have to lie so much... if women wouldn't ask so many questions! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your wedding day is an important milestone in my self-loathing as a single person. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd rather have an enemy that slaps me in the face than a friend that stabs me in the back. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
