Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 114

I wish my job was still secure enough to take days off for Jewish holidays I don't observe.

— Anonymous

Mondays rock...Anyone who doesnt like mondays, must not just work 3 days a week like I do.

— Anonymous

If you appreciate her, love her, and respect her, I can guarentee you won't lose her.

— Anonymous

Roses are blue, violets are red, if you come near me one more time I will chop off your head!

— Anonymous

On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said: lets see the evolutionists try and figure this one out.

— Anonymous

That Awkward Momment WhenSomeone Deletes There Comment So It Looks Like Your Talking To Your Self..

— Anonymous

A drunk person is just a fucking awesome version of a sober person.

— Anonymous

You're at Starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

— Anonymous

The most romantic thing you can ever do for me is buy me food.

— Anonymous

Awwwh, Your Dating My Ex.? That's Cute, I'm Eating a Samwitch Do You Want Those Leftovers Too.

— Anonymous

TeenQuotes **MISSING UNICORN** Its light purple with a drak purple mane. If you see it, you'reprobably high.

— Anonymous

I hope I get to go home tomorrow.. I hate being here at my moms house.. -

— Anonymous

Rick Ross is on a seafood diet. When he sees food, he eats it.

— Anonymous

On the scale of Zero to Adele, how bad did u take ur breakup?

— Anonymous

This Halloween I'm going as the ghost of our federal government.

— Anonymous

Do me a favor. put the

— Anonymous

Whats the point of that song. I'm fadded? c;

— Anonymous

Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you, fool me 45,000 times and your a god damn weather man.

— Anonymous

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

— Anonymous

If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know, I might wanna say it again!

— Anonymous

Dear McDonald's, don't give me that look. There's no age limit on a happy meal.

— Anonymous

You should never laugh at your dad if he's mad or screaming at you.

— Anonymous

When you hear people speak in another language: 6% I wish I could speak that. 94% Those bitches better not be talking about me...

— Anonymous

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

— Anonymous

Here's to a Rosh Hashanah we'll never forget since it'll be permanently documented in our Facebook Timelines.

— Anonymous

Men are like trees, they take forever to grow up.

— Anonymous

A teenager is always too tired to hold a dishcloth, but never too tired to hold a phone.

— Anonymous

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

— Anonymous

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

— Anonymous

That moment when someone hates on you. Bitch, my mom thinks I'm amazing.

— Anonymous

God's last name is not Dammit.

— Anonymous

One who is at peace can draw good from everything.

— Anonymous

Romeo and Juliet killed themselves for their love, so I think you can at least answer my text message.

— Anonymous

I err therefore I am.

— Anonymous

Mom, can i... go ask your dad.dad, can i... go ask your mother. WTF.

— Anonymous

Dear kids on are you smarter than a 5th grader, what elementary school did you go to? Sincerely, I didn't learn that…

— Anonymous

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not.

— Anonymous

Never ever get into fights with ugly people. They have literally and figuratively nothing to lose!

— Anonymous

When your mother is mad and asks you, Do I look stupid? it's best not to answer her.

— Anonymous

Most kids: I like to drink and smoke weed. Me: When it's cold out I like to breathe heavily and pretend I…

— Anonymous