Comedy Quotes by Tom Lehrer

Plagiarize, plagiarize, / Let no man's work evade your eyes, / Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, / Don't shade your eyes,…

— Tom Lehrer

I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.

— Tom Lehrer

When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I…

— Tom Lehrer

I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the…

— Tom Lehrer

Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.

— Tom Lehrer

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

— Tom Lehrer

“I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagiarize!…

— Tom Lehrer

Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs.

— Tom Lehrer

Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I…

— Tom Lehrer

Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!

— Tom Lehrer

I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.

— Tom Lehrer

San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug.

— Tom Lehrer

On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three…

— Tom Lehrer

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

— Tom Lehrer

There's something mathematically satisfying about music: notes fit together and harmony and all that. And mathematics has to do with abstractions and making connections.

— Tom Lehrer