My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I always like to make explicit the fact that before I went off not too long ago to fight in the trenches,… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I think that if people are having trouble communicating with one another, the least they can do is SHUT UP. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
The people who were in college in the '50s were my first real audience, and their kids, the people who found my… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Well I wasn't really attacking the religious beliefs [in the song 'The Vatican Rag'], I was attacking the formality of the rituals… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Comedy is very important, yes. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
When you're in a public profession like I was, and you stop doing it like I did, people think you're either crazy… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I find that people can pass me on the street who've just seen my picture in the paper and they wouldn't recognize… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
People would go anywhere to see a famous person in the flesh, no matter what they do. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Plagiarize, plagiarize, / Let no man's work evade your eyes, / Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, / Don't shade your eyes,… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
“I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky. In one word he told me secret of success in mathematics: Plagiarize!… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Counting in octal is just likst counting in decimal--if you don't use your thumbs. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I… — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
San Francisco is a city of twenty-something millionaire white kids named Doug. — Tom Lehrer Copy Share Image
