Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words!… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You kids have fun, and be home by Thanksgiving!" our parents would call to us on Halloween night, as we staggered out… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I feel like I have more experience with publishing humor than pretty much any editor I'm going to be dealing with so… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Never allow a child to spend all of his allowance. Insist that he set aside a certain amount of money every week… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
At certain times each year, we journalists do almost nothing except apply for the Pulitzers and several dozen other major prizes. During… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,including: Both of your socks should always be the same color, Or… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom stalls, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The Ford Falcon holds the proud title of Slowest Car Ever Built. In certain areas of the country you can go to… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Puns are little "plays on words" that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
