I never stop running. I'm not one of the weenies who drop out just because the electoral college votes. I'm still in… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We're the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Many things have been written, including by me, linking humor and pain. Mostly, in my case, the humor part keeps me sane.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Most guys believe that they're supposed to know how to fix things. This is a responsibility that guys have historically taken upon… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
