“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Drill Sergeant are: I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong. I… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Water Torturer are: You are crazy. You fly off the handle over nothing. I can easily convince… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The underlying attitude comes bursting out of his words: He believes his wife is keeping something of his away from him when… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“THE MYTHS ABOUT ABUSERS 1. He was abused as a child. 2. His previous partner hurt him. 3. He abuses those he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Has he ever trapped you in a room and not let you out? Has he ever raised a fist as if he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is important to note that research has shown that men who have abusive mothers do not tend to develop especially negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Sensitive are: I’m against the macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive. As long as I use… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“I have sometimes said to a client: “If you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When a man’s face contorts in bitterness and hatred, he looks a little insane. When his mood changes from elated to assaultive… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
