“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abused women aren't "codependent." It is abusers, not their partners, who create abusive relationships.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“If you are aware of chronic or severe mistreatment and do not speak out against it, your silence communicates implicitly that you… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER. One of the basic human… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“It is fine to commiserate with a man about his bad experience with a previous partner, but the instant he uses her… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Never believe a man's claim that he has to harm his partner in order to protect her; only abusers think this way. — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abuser’s mood changes are especially perplexing. He can be a different person from day to day, or even from hour to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“IN ONE IMPORTANT WAY, an abusive man works like a magician: His tricks largely rely on getting you to look off in… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“To make matters worse, everyone she talks to has a different opinion about the nature of his problem and what she should… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“There certainly are some women who treat their male partners badly, berating them, calling them names, attempting to control them. The negative… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of your life,… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“On some level he hopes that his ability to transport you sexually will tie you to him, so that he can have power over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he was angry… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse doesn’t come from people’s inability to resolve conflicts but from one person’s decision to claim a higher status than another. So while it… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Few people are aware of the severe human rights violations committed daily by family court judges across the country. These courts are siding over… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows many ways… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic a reliable… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse is not his goal, but control is, and he finds himself using abuse to gain the control he feels he has a right… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even remotely associated… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and more to… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
