But whether you stay or go, the critical decision you can make is to stop letting your partner distort the lens of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When people conclude that anger causes abuse, they are confusing cause and effect. Ray was not abusive because he was angry; he… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The woman knows from living with the abusive man that there are no simple answers. Friends say: “He’s mean.” But she knows… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“When we hear these kinds of excuses from a drunk, we assume they are exactly that—excuses. We don’t consider an active alcoholic… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Rambo are: Strength and aggressiveness are good; compassion and conflict resolution are bad. Anything that could be even… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“HE ISN’T ABUSIVE BECAUSE HE IS ANGRY; HE’S ANGRY BECAUSE HE’S ABUSIVE.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The symptoms of abuse are there, and the woman usually sees them: the escalating frequency of put-downs. Early generosity turning more and… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
The central attitudes driving the Demand Man are: It's your job to do things for me, including taking care of my responsibilities… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“In the 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“ABUSIVE MEN COME in every personality type, arise from good childhoods and bad ones, are macho men or gentle, “liberated” men. No… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
As long as we see abusers as victims, or as out-of-control monsters, they will continue getting away with ruining lives. If we… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Abuse counselors say of the abusive client: “When he looks at himself in the morning and sees his dirty face, he sets… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The confusion of love with abuse is what allows abusers who kill their partners to make the absurd claim that they were… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Have you ever heard a woman claim that the reason why she is chronically mistreating her male partner is because a previous… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving the Drill Sergeant are: I need to control your every move or you will do it wrong. I… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The central attitudes driving Mr. Right are: You should be in awe of my intelligence and should look up to me intellectually.… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abusive man’s high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations, so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“Although the typical abusive man works to maintain a positive public image, it is true that some women have abusive partners who… — Lundy Bancroft Copy Share Image
“The abuser does not believe, however, that his level of authority over the children should be in any way connected to his… — Lundy Bancroft Bancroft Copy Share Image
