Abuse Quote by Lundy Bancroft
““Each human being deals with hurt or resentment in a unique way. When you feel insulted or bullied, you may reach for a chocolate bar. In the same circumstance, I might burst into tears. Another person may put his or her feelings quickly into words, confronting the mistreatment directly. Although our feelings can influence how we wish to act, our choices of how to behave are ultimately determined more by our attitudes and our habits. We respond to our emotional wounds based on what we believe about ourselves, how we think about the person who has hurt us, and how we perceive the world. Only in people who are severely traumatized or who have major mental illnesses is behavior governed by feelings. And only a tiny percentage of abusive men have these kinds of severe psychological problems.””
About This Quote
Source Interview: “The Psychology of Conflict”, 2018
Our reactions to hurt are shaped more by attitudes and habits than by raw emotion; only extreme trauma overrides this.
In simple terms: Habits and mindset guide how we handle pain, not just feelings.
Key Takeaway
Cultivate healthy attitudes and habits to respond constructively.
Themes
emotional intelligence
habit formation
resilience
Mood
empathetic
thoughtful
Type
psychological
practical
When to use this quote
- bullying incidents
- relationship disputes
- workplace criticism
- personal setbacks
Key Concepts
Cognitive psychology
behavioral science
trauma studies
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you reframe a painful event?
- What habit could replace a reactive impulse?
A Different Perspective
People with severe mental illness may truly act on emotion alone; most can change responses.
