A brick and a blanket walk into a bar. And I don’t drink…

“TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between”

— Various

My dad was a bartender. My mom was a cashier, a maid and a stock clerk at K-Mart. They never made it big. They…

— Marco Rubio

From 1965 to 1974, I served the best possible apprenticeship for an actor. I learned firsthand how a truck driver lives, what a bartender…

— Brian Dennehy

“seal. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A bartender walks into a church, a temple and a mosque. He has no idea how jokes work. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦ A baseball walks…

— Various

Why don´t you go back to bartender´s school and take a college course in shut-up? [On being reminded of his age by kelsey].

— Archie Bunker

“As the bartender struck a match to light her cigarette, she put her hand on his wrist to steady it. Travis saw him jump,…

— Cornell Woolrich

Women, you overheated dipsomaniacs, never passing up a chance to wangle a drink, a great boon to bartenders but a bane to us--not to…

— Aristophanes

“The only people who ask questions like ‘Did he want to be something besides a bartender?’ are people who can become whatever they want.…

— Dennis Lehane

You know you're in trouble, when the bartender cries.

— Michael Peterson

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for…

— Ernest Hemingway

I've had a lot of glamour come my way in the last 10 years - you know, movie stars and mansions and red carpets…

— Anonymous

Hell, if I didn't do stunts, I'd have had to be a bartender, or something else that didn't pay well.

— Hal Needham

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a…

— Chip Kidd

.. the guitar is just a wonderful instrument. It's everything: a bartender, a psychiatrist, a housewife. It's everything, but it's elusive

— Les Paul

“It’s all part of the bartender’s creed: make them fresh, make them cold, but most of all, if they’re a little overeager, make them…

— William Lashner