Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 17

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE LETTERS, correspondence that should always bear the salutation: My Dearest, and Gentlemen of the Jury;

— Nikhil Saluja

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

— Nikhil Saluja

My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period.

— Nikhil Saluja

I look at her boobs, and she looks at my dick, and that's when I realize the best things in life are…

— Nikhil Saluja

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

— Nikhil Saluja

Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would you have??…

— Nikhil Saluja

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you bleach your asshole and add ammonia... would you fart Mustard Gas? ' Asking for a Friend

— Nikhil Saluja

WOMAN, LIBERATED, a female who has sex before marriage and a job after.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear!

— Nikhil Saluja

You are loving... when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

— Nikhil Saluja

Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like the face a girl makes, when another girl she hates shows up on her Twitter timeline.

— Nikhil Saluja

For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide!

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, You're going to have trouble with it.

— Nikhil Saluja

In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIED LIFE, is like the pleasure experienced when getting into a warm bath -- after a while it's not so hot

— Nikhil Saluja

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when either party is good at taking orders

— Nikhil Saluja

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

— Nikhil Saluja

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become.

— Nikhil Saluja

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned to say Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke in 6 languages.

— Nikhil Saluja

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

— Nikhil Saluja

My GirlFriend told me that she want me to act a little more like her father. So I fucked her mom.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a guy says he's not in mood to talk with a girl. He probably have masturbated few seconds ago.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman can take unpredictable to a whole new level of psycho if you test them...

— Nikhil Saluja

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel is, The opening of another Vagina

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

— Nikhil Saluja