Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 32

BEST INVENTION EVER: the Fast Forward Button. Without it we would be stuck watching the first two minutes of porn.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you fuck over people who've been nothing but good to you, you create demons for yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.

— Nikhil Saluja

There are 2 reasons why we dont trust people: 1. We dont know them. 2. We do know them.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The continuous process of getting used to things you never expected;

— Nikhil Saluja

Lost in words, hidden in lies, memories forgotten, silent goodbyes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dating your exes again are just like shopping at your own garage sale.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: I think I could make you very happy She: Why? Are you leaving?

— Nikhil Saluja

10 out of every 3 people suffer from multiple personality disorder.

— Nikhil Saluja

When gays hack into their boyfriend's Facebook account, do they change the status to, I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PUSSY!?

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some hoes only meet the parents because they gotta walk pass the living room.

— Nikhil Saluja

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

— Nikhil Saluja

When life gives me lemons, I'm like What's the catch? Because in this expensive world no one's just giving away free lemons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes you just have to sit down and ask your parents if they sold your soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish people would learn from their mistakes and not keep making the same exact ones, damaging themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, As long as you're good looking & decent in bed, you can act as crazy as you want. We men won't care.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you push your brother down the stairs, he will become your step brother.

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, A method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other;

— Nikhil Saluja

Hole (noun) : When a mouse laughs at a cat, there is a hole nearby.

— Nikhil Saluja

My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd have more funnier tweets if I was surrounded with more idiots.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl calling another girl a slut is like a retweet but in real life, because you just gave her a shitload…

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wait, are you telling me 'professional tweeter' can't go in my CV? Well this was a waste of time.

— Nikhil Saluja

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open.

— Nikhil Saluja

I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters.

— Nikhil Saluja

If she's retweeted you twice in one day, she's pictured what your kids would look like.

— Nikhil Saluja

Disclaimer : Twitter is purely entertainment...it's not to be taken seriously.

— Nikhil Saluja

Someone just stopped me to say that he recognized me from twitter and now I'm writing my suicide note.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, That man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical)

— Nikhil Saluja

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.

— Nikhil Saluja

As the auto mechanic said to the Scoutmaster whose car horn was broken, Beep repaired.

— Nikhil Saluja

For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face.

— Nikhil Saluja