Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 31

I would never mind being in an odd abusive relationship, if my girlfriend would punch me with her tits.

— Nikhil Saluja

You might as well be happy. No one gives a fuck if you're sad anyway so stop complaining.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman can take unpredictable to a whole new level of psycho if you test them...

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

I think the most impressive thing about the activity tab on twitter is that I never use it.

— Nikhil Saluja

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

My friends are weird. They think that I can't I'm on twitter isn't a good excuse not to leave the house.

— Nikhil Saluja

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned to say Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke in 6 languages.

— Nikhil Saluja

To feel good about yourself, is there a quota on how many other people each day you have to condemn?

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter really is the funniest, most addictive, non-productive shit ever.

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. -- To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I say Hope to see you soon I really mean I hope you follow me on twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sweetie, if you opened a book more times than you opened your legs,you might actually get somewhere in life.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a guy says he's not in mood to talk with a girl. He probably have masturbated few seconds ago.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I'm feeling happy, I log on twitter and read your inspirational tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when my wife asks me how my day was, because it's like, doesn't she read my tweets?

— Nikhil Saluja

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Twitter, Why do you have only 140 characters? Sincerely Facebook

— Nikhil Saluja

Everybody is tweeting from work. No wondering why the world economy is going down the drain.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who…

— Nikhil Saluja

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when either party is good at taking orders

— Nikhil Saluja

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm thinking of hiring a sharpshooter to 'take care' of my unfollowers.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, shes a slut. But if a guy does it¦ hes gay. Definately gay.

— Nikhil Saluja

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you have the slightest feeling that the tweet was about you, it is.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can tell a lot about a person by their car… For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :)

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are Laughing WITH you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch.

— Nikhil Saluja

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

— Nikhil Saluja