Twitter Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 29

MARRIED LIFE, is like the pleasure experienced when getting into a warm bath -- after a while it's not so hot

— Nikhil Saluja

In some countries being president is just an honorary position --like being a husband in Hollywood.

— Nikhil Saluja

Abortion It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.

— Nikhil Saluja

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you bleach your asshole and add ammonia... would you fart Mustard Gas? ' Asking for a Friend

— Nikhil Saluja

Try this: When someone you don't follow unfollows you, Follow them and when they follow back, Unfollow them.

— Nikhil Saluja

I always make the wrong decisions so I have something to tweet about.

— Nikhil Saluja

WOMAN, LIBERATED, a female who has sex before marriage and a job after.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only thing Facebook and Twitter have in common is that you're able to block annoying fuckin' users.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. -- On your lips, color to enhance your beauty. On his collar, color only a tramp would wear!

— Nikhil Saluja

If I unfollow you or block you, please don't take it personnely. Take it very personnely.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE LETTERS, correspondence that should always bear the salutation: My Dearest, and Gentlemen of the Jury;

— Nikhil Saluja

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

— Nikhil Saluja

My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period.

— Nikhil Saluja

I look at her boobs, and she looks at my dick, and that's when I realize the best things in life are…

— Nikhil Saluja

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

— Nikhil Saluja

Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which a woman gives the best years of her life to the man that made them so;

— Nikhil Saluja

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dont hate inspirational tweeters, theyre just trying to make the world a more passive-aggressively arrogant place.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

The blonde cowboy put glue on his six-shooters so he would always stick to his guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

Looking at all the chances I was too afraid to take and the people I was too scared to admit my feelings…

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

— Nikhil Saluja

BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER!

— Nikhil Saluja

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't take it personally if you unfollow me. Just make sure you never check into foursquare in the future.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

*Follows Dreams* *Wait for few hours* *Dreams dont follow back* *Unfollows dreams*

— Nikhil Saluja

Third party auditor is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like today is going to be a good day but I am bringing my shotgun just in case.

— Nikhil Saluja

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.

— Nikhil Saluja

People who use the phrase I'm not here to judge are the most judgmental people you'll ever meet.

— Nikhil Saluja

The hardest thing about losing your short term memory is… 'Happy Birthday' Yes it's someone's Happy Birthday isn't o_O

— Nikhil Saluja

Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

— Nikhil Saluja