Conference: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you can make it sound exciting with a joke drum machine, you know you've got something. — Jeff Beck Copy Share Image
I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes. — Felipe Esparza Copy Share Image
I'm Irish, so I'm messing all the time. Which means, I'm having a laugh. I'm always making jokes. — Saoirse Ronan Copy Share Image
My son jokes with me that he thinks I Google the word 'sad' to come up with book ideas. — Patricia McCormick Copy Share Image
So, great. This is Camp…what do you call it? Camp Fish-Blood?” Aphros frowned. “I hope that was a joke. This is Camp… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
I definitely script things out. I definitely write things down and try to write jokes. Often, they're terrible. I often write terrible,… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
I enjoy darker sardonic wit more than knock-knock jokes. I spent the first healthy chunk of my career playing all-American, pleasant, average,… — Neil Patrick Harris Copy Share Image
The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want,… — Chris Kyle Copy Share Image
I joke that I reached the bimbo trifecta when I came to Fox News! In being a former Miss America, being blonde… — Gretchen Carlson Copy Share Image
I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The government, the state, they're just objects of jokes rather than serious consideration. I can't possibly take them seriously. — Joseph Brodsky Copy Share Image
So many gay jokes tonight about (James) Franco. Apparently if you're clean, well dressed and mildly cultured, you're super gay now. Is… — Aziz Ansari Copy Share Image
These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why… — Michael Bloomberg Copy Share Image
The real joke that history played on American women is not the one that makes people snigger, with cheap Freudian sophistication, at… — Betty Friedan Copy Share Image
My work is a matter of fundamental sounds (no joke intended) made as fully as possible, and I accept responsibility for nothing… — Samuel Beckett Copy Share Image
“Sooner or later, all talk among foreigners in Pyongyang turns to one imponderable subject. Do the locals really believe what they are… — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
Although I knew enough Freud to believe that the sex urge was an important mainspring of life, it still seemed to me… — Paul Bowles Copy Share Image
To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed.… — Charles Bukowski Copy Share Image
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?" It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in… — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
