Shall I crack any of those old jokes, master, At which the audience never fail to laugh? — Aristophanes Copy Share Image
I thought I loved her, but she had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Thinking of punching these random street people in the face is an excellent way to waste an evening. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Donald Trump is finding out what I found out: when you run for office, you are not allowed to tell a joke. — Jesse Ventura Copy Share Image
Remember how I found you there alone in your electric chair, I told you dirty jokes until you smiled. — Billy Joel Copy Share Image
If we live inside a bad joke, it is up to us to learn, at best and worst, to tell it well. — Jonathan Raban Copy Share Image
She loved three things — a joke, a glass of wine, and a handsome man. — W. Somerset Maugham Copy Share Image
I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke. — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
To such men the desperate and horrible thought has come that perhaps the whole of human life is but a bad joke,… — Hermann Hesse Copy Share Image
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount… — Alex Winter Copy Share Image
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I like the rough impersonality of New York ... Human relations are oiled by jokes, complaints, and confessions-all made with the assumption… — Bill Bradley Copy Share Image
Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor. — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
Whether a man chooses to tell the truth in long sentences or short jokes is a problem analogous to whether he chooses… — Gilbert K. Chesterton Copy Share Image
Here's a tip. If you touch a girl, even as joke, and she pushes you off, leave... her... alone. Don't touch her.… — Jay Asher Copy Share Image
The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke… — Bassem Youssef Copy Share Image
Nobody was perfect. Not even close. And everybody had wrinkles from smiling and squinting and craining their necks. Everybody has marks on… — Katherine Center Copy Share Image
“If you ever care to see how all the world’s most awful jokes spread, spend a day on a bond trading desk.… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
For me, stand-up comedy is a conversation between me and the audience. I have to keep them listening. When I'm making jokes… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
If God gives you (or makes you) a joke, what are you meant to do in response? (Receive it. Laugh.) If God… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be… — Michael J. Fox Copy Share Image
When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
You don't need any courage today in Germany to make a movie about the Nazi time. You get all the subsidies, you… — Uwe Boll Copy Share Image
God is always joking. Look at your own life - it is a joke! Look at other people's lives, and you will… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
