Shakespeare said, "Kill all the lawyers." There were no agents then. — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
“Find your happy faces, Gentlefucker Bastards, it's a bright new day and we get to start it EARLY!” — Scott Lynch Copy Share Image
“Tell me you spotted a condom tree over to the right by the stream of lube.” — Jane Davitt Copy Share Image
“I'd said it before and meant it.Alive or undead,the love of my life was a bad ass.” — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“It is meant to be survival of the fittest, not survival of the most floral.” — Stephen Herfst Copy Share Image
“In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.” — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millett's” — Half Man Half Biscuit Copy Share Image
“Time travel is complicated, or so we think, since we have not yet managed to actually figure out how to do it.” — Serena Yates Copy Share Image
“When i was 9 I didn't go to Narnia, when i grew 11 my Hogwarts letter didn't come, again when i was… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Amy: Pond and her boys . . . my poncho boys. If we're going to die, let's die looking like a peruvian folk band.” — Simon Nye Copy Share Image
“Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“I tried to say something cool, wound up stammering something like, “WANNA YOU WANNA WEENIE ME?” The end kind of trailed off… — David Wong Copy Share Image
“How are we going to get out of here?" "Oh, escape is easy once you have the right plan." " Do we… — Derek Landy Copy Share Image
You cannot study Pleasure in the moment of the nuptial embrace, nor repentance while repenting, nor analyze the nature of humour while… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
“We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“And Raphael will be joining us,” Andrea said. “So you get twice the backup. Nobody will be killing you on our watch.”… — Ilona Andrews Copy Share Image
“His brow was sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought and his air that of a man who, if he had… — P.G. Wodehouse Copy Share Image
“Oh!” Pattern said suddenly, bursting up from the bowl to hover in the air. “You were talking about mating! I’m to make… — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
the growth of intimacy is like that. First one gives off his best picture, the bright and finished product mended with bluff… — F. Scott Fitzgerald Copy Share Image
“Walking out of an A level paper isn't funny." "It's not that I'm laughing at." "So what is it?" "No one ever… — Rosamund Lupton Copy Share Image
“There wasn't any place on my body I could hide a gun not with that sleazy dress I had to wear. And… — Jana Deleon Copy Share Image
What is it that is done to our children that their puberty should deform them? They have the joy of movement; they… — Kurt Hahn Copy Share Image
“The profilers’ plan to coax me out of the woods resembled a comedy skit. During their search of my Cane Creek trailer,… — Eric Rudolph Copy Share Image
“I think if Jeremy Corbyn got a cloak, he'd make a very good Gandalf.” — Henry Miller Copy Share Image
“The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Run. Flee. Fuck off. Vanish from my presence and take the foul stench of your sordid secret with you.” — St. John Morris Copy Share Image
Think of what would happen to us... if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. — Thomas Lansing Masson Copy Share Image
“Should I get you a shovel so you can dig that hole a little deeper?” — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
My capacity for humour may have come largely from my father - he liked to entertain people, make people laugh. — Morris Gleitzman Copy Share Image
Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter...with alliteration, no less! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you don't have humour, then you may as well nail the coffin lid down now. — Roger Moore Copy Share Image
“The whole room said, "Admire without touching anything and then get out.” — Kaje Harper Copy Share Image
I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour. — Sacha Baron Cohen Copy Share Image
I dont want to sound facetious, but humour is the key to the soul. You know what I mean? — Martin Lawrence Copy Share Image
The Bible is such a gargantuan collection of conflicting values that anyone can prove anything from it. — Robert A. Heinlein Copy Share Image
I've always been a fun-loving guy, and my films will always have some humour. — Karthi Copy Share Image
