Humour Quotes

Don't stop believing

— Journey

“What, you egg?”

— William Shakespeare

“Hey, Carrots," he says.”

— Cynthia Hand

Why so serious???

— Anonymous

“Stone me, what a life!”

— Tony Hancock

Thus, I've created humour.

— Jon Stewart

“I only come out for food.”

— Blair Holden

I played like a child.

— Magnus Carlsen

“The world is not full of crazy ninja perfume ladies!”

— Anonymous

“I grinned. "I'm anybody's for a cuppa and a biscuit.”

— David Stuart Davies

“love, stupidity and imagination have no limits”

— sandeep

“Stupid werewolf ninja sperm.”

— Molly Harper

“If wishes were horses, I'd need a very big stable.”

— Greg Curtis

“I'm on a roller coaster which only goes up my friend”

— Augustus Waters The Fault in Our Stars

“eBooks make lousy door stoppers”

— Greg Davidson

“Life is a sacred labour of love.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

“You know what a mistake is, right?" "Like when Mommy yells at me and then says she is sorry later.”

— Keira Kroft

“Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit.”

— Alan Partridge

The most important quality in a partner is a sense of humour.

— Clare Balding

“Only dead fishes go with the flow.. I guess that make me a dead fish!”

— Shanai Campbell

“If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess.”

— honeya

“Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell.” “To be fair, you still look pretty bad.”

— John Green

The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.

— L.P. Hartley

Women are like bars of soap. After a while they lose their freshness, become worn and a bit hairy.

— Robert Black

If I were a cat, I'd make love with a door mat; if I were a frog, I'd make love with a…

— Jean-Paul Malfatti

Two things people throughout history have had in common are hatred and humour. I am proud that I have been able to…

— Richard Pryor

I think that there's always room for humour in music. It's something that always takes itself so seriously, which I think is…

— Kate Bush

It's difficult to say what attracts one person to another. It's always a combination, isn't it? I've always found people interesting because…

— Felicity Kendal

“One thing that has remained constant, across four centuries, has been the desire for a British person to fill a silence with…

— Matt Haig

“I suddenly realise that it doesn't matter how far I go, or how lost I am, or how lonely I feel. I…

— Holly Smale

“The pity is that the public will demand and find a moral in my book, or worse they may take it in…

— James Joyce

“Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Thursday morning. I usually let my Mum wake me up but today I have set my alarm for seven. Even from under…

— Joe Dunthorne

“On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property…

— St. John Morris

“I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe…

— Tara Sivec

“Emma has been meaning to read more ever since she was twelve years old. I have seen a great many lists of…

— Jane Austen

“Ah...Dectective, this is a very private and personal moment for them both. I'm sure you can understand their need for-" A man…

— Derek Landy

“Xav sprinkled olive oil on his lettuce. 'Lola was very particular that it all had to fit properly.' 'Lola?' squeaked Diamond. I…

— Joss Stirling

When I realised I had a facility for humour, I latched on to it, and it gave me confidence and I built…

— Catherine Tate

Halfway through primary school, I realised that I was not as physically strong or fearless as many kids. So, in situations of…

— Morris Gleitzman