Funny facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 25

No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby?

— Nikhil Saluja

I showed my therapist some of my tweets and now she's seeing a therapist.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE. Woman means:I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

— Nikhil Saluja

God gave us the miracle of life - sustaining water, & we turned it into Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi & Vodka. Good job, Morons.

— Nikhil Saluja

Cocks are a lot like ovens. You would rather a woman was operating it but sometimes you have to use it yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

— Nikhil Saluja

I think that a man with a helmet defending his country should make more money than a man with a helmet defending…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes We ignore the obvious because we get too caught up in being hopeful.

— Nikhil Saluja

Technology: Pee on the iPhone 5, it turns pink if you're pregnant.

— Nikhil Saluja

He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm bored. Maybe I should leave the house and check twitter from somewhere else.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the TELEPHONE GUY says, Would you like it On the table or against the wall?

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? Woman means:We haven't had a fight in a while.

— Nikhil Saluja

I said I'd be there in 5 minutes. Quit calling me every half hour.

— Nikhil Saluja

A relationship with God is the most important relationship you can have. Trust him and everything will always turn out fine.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pray like it all depends on God, Work like it all depends on you..!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the BANKER says, If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

— Nikhil Saluja

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to…

— Nikhil Saluja

I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

— Nikhil Saluja

The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets.

— Nikhil Saluja

LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't waste your life living in a $100,000 apartment when you can live under a $15 million dollar bridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

— Nikhil Saluja

I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never use wet wood in your fireplace. Always let weeping logs dry.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be!

— Nikhil Saluja

So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck?

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.

— Nikhil Saluja