“There is life, and there is death, and in between there is me. Please don’t wake me up.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“One day I’ll have my appointment with death, and every day I call out to God to see if I can reschedule… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Death is coming—but hopefully not before old age, decrepitude, and senility. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Someday I want to write a sixteen-syllable Haiku about the death and disappearance of a monosyllabic word.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A funeral home is like a grocery store of death. Are there any discounts in the meat department?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nearly all of the men I admire are dead, because admiration is fueled by mystery. And what's more mysterious than death? Nothing.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I don’t sleep on the left side of the bed, or the right side, because there is a third option: to not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Reginald “If” Ifa IV died today. His last words were, “Death, the great What if.” I dreamt this, but that doesn’t make… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a headstone. Or the instrument that proves “until death do us part” is faster and cheaper… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s a new subject to me, and I’m just starting to get confused. The middle is the muddle, and the end is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sure, I’d fake my own death. But only if I had the following items: duct tape, seven slinkies, a parachute, and a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I never speed, because if I get into an automobile crash and die, I don’t want to have arrived earlier than I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You may be dying, but I’m going to have a picnic and enjoy this glorious day. I won’t let your impending death… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There was an eerie quiet about last night, like death sleeping on the beach of Lake Erie. I woke up with sand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The girl I used to love is no longer a girl, and this saddens me more than our separation. It puts my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, because I plan to live forever through the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I only ate popsicles, I wonder if I’d rather freeze or starve to death. Freezing or starving, they’re like either option… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The spirit is tied to the brain—for the brain makes us who we are. So if our spirit lives after death, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When thinking about yesterday, contrasted with today, I can’t help but observe that today by definition means I’m one day closer to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“In life or death situations, my father has only been there once for me. So I'd like to tell him thanks for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is a good thing. Not starving to death is also a good thing. Being in love with a man named Mr.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
