God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I could be the Greta Garbo of comedy, very secluded, but Garbo had a man who was beyond rich to support her. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If you can't make fun of yourself, you don't have any right to make fun of others — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
What makes me laugh is, of course, the absurd, the horror - anything that upsets me. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The glass is always half empty. All good comedians are manic-depressive. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Comedy exists to laugh at things that aren't laughable. But isn't it? That's what separates us from the animals. We laugh. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
![“I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!” quote by Joan Rivers](https://sms4smile.com/q/img-quotes/213/joan-rivers-669_causes_i-think-actual-death-will-be-a-lot-easie_2636079.png)
