I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My father was a doctor so I was around death all my life. So, I was very used to it because he… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I think it was Cosby who also said to me, 'If only 2 percent of the world thinks you're funny, you'll still… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is so tough. I don't know how old you are, but I've seen so much in a wink. One phone call… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The nice thing about Viagra is that they are proving men can go blind on it, so you can gain weight and… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Victoria Beckham should get a life, I am not a fan of outrageous consumption. I think it is vulgar. And no-one should… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is very tough, you know. You sit at a dinner party and talk to the person on your right or your… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I could pull my living in and live OK, but I don't want to live OK. I'm very happy to live in… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
As comedians, we are all laughing because life is so horrible. Life is so difficult, and I cope with it by making… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
