The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Dogs are easier to love than people; they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I hate old people, I hate children. I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I'm always shocked when I get an invitation. People are always shocked when they see me at a party. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
You hear things about certain people. When you hear someone was mean to a limo driver or a wardrobe lady, or someone… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I've learned from my dealings with Johnny Carson that no matter what kind of friendship you think you have with people you're… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I truly think comedy is - being funny is DNA. My dad was a doctor, a wonderful doctor, and people still come… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Sure I do a lot of jokes about Anne Frank. But when you do those jokes, it makes people remember what happened… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
People are arguing whether Mel Gibson's "Passion of the Christ" is anti-semitic. Well, whether it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter,… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Victoria Beckham is so nasty, Why doesn't she just go home?! Her dresses are beautiful, but I don't care what she does.… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
When you're first-generation money, you want to say, "I got a Mercedes and a Rolls and a Lamborghini. Take a look." When… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Obama came in and said he was going turn everything around, and you can't. Give the guy a break. But I question… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven't seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
What are people going to do? Fire me? I've been fired before. Not book me? I've been out of work before. I… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous. — Joan Rivers Copy Share
Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking… — Joan Rivers Copy Share
