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People Quotes by George Carlin

198 People quotes by George Carlin

All People quotes George Carlin’s page

George Carlin calls comedy a people’s art, raw and unapologetic. He jokes that many politicians demand change just like homeless folks do. He also points out that religion tells people there’s an invisible man watching from the sky. He even wonders how many people will need autopsies after a big crowd gathers.

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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

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"No comment" is a comment.

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The future will soon be a thing of the past.

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Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

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Life is a zero sum game.

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Hard work is for people short on talent.

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So far, this is the oldest I've been.

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The planet is fine. The people are f****d.

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These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

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In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

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I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

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If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!

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You get to play with people's little danger zones.

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I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!

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A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a…

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People always tell me "Have a nice day." Well what if I don't want to? What if I want to have a…

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People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it…

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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and…

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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

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All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World…

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The violence of the Left is symbolic, the injuries are not intended. The violence of the Right is real - directed at…

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The planet is fine. The people are f****d. Because everyone is trying to save the planet. The planet doesn’t need that. The…

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Obviously, there are people who constrict themselves and build walls around themselves, whether it's from a moral standpoint or a patriotic standpoint,…

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People say, 'I'm going to sleep now,' as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. 'For the next several…

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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward:…

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Someone once said, if you scratch a cynic, and you'll find a disappointed idealist. That really rang a bell with me -…

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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like…

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I love individuals. I think people are terrific as I meet and get to know them. I like imagination. I like the…

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I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have…

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Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the…

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I don't understand a belief that there is an invisible being in the sky who watches over us all the time and…

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They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't…

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There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words.…

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I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for minor infractions: No…

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Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of…

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More by George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…

“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…

“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…

Is there another word for synonym?

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?