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Religion Quotes by George Carlin

59 Religion quotes by George Carlin

All Religion quotes George Carlin’s page

Separation of church and state is praised as a way to avoid double trouble. Carlin calls religion a self‑chosen belief that can limit the intellect and even fuel evil. He jokes that symbols of religion can be uncomfortable, like a man nailed to wood.

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What year did Jesus think it was?

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Religion is just mind control.

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“Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.”

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Religion cruelly exploits our need to feel connected.

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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.

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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

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“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

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Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.

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I make fun of people who are religious, because they're fundamentally weak.

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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to…

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None of the Christian religions do [interest me]. They're all outer-directed.

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Sex criminals. Completely incurable... I suppose you could outlaw religion and these sex crimes would disappear in a generation or two, but…

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Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of…

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The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think…

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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's…

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Meanwhile, followers of Eastern religions are sitting in the middle of their minds, experiencing a bliss and a level of consciousness that…

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Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.' The…

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To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesn't…

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When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated…

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I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has…

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We use up words like 'spiritual' so fast in this culture. Twenty years ago spiritual had a distinct meaning. But now there's…

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I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my…

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“You know what these “God Bless America” people oughta do? They oughta check with that Jesus fellow they’re so crazy about. They’re…

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This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those…

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The only good thing about religion is the music. Because nature is filled with balances and opposites, there are always exceptions to…

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“There's also way too much religion in the South to be consistent with good mental health. Still, I love traveling down there,…

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“And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will."…

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Religion has convinced people that theres an invisible man ¦ Living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of…

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“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of…

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I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can…

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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

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The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people.

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How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

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The Religious Right dislikes both abortions and homosexuality. But who has fewer abortions than gays?

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More by George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…

“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…

“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…

Is there another word for synonym?

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?