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Time Quotes by George Carlin

71 Time quotes by George Carlin

All Time quotes George Carlin’s page

A quote declares tomorrow is another day, then flips to say today is another day, reminding us that the future is uncertain. Another line calls voting a meaningless exercise, suggesting that parties give us a false feeling of influence. A vivid image explains that "aloha" means both hello and goodbye, showing how time spent in the sun can blur meanings.

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And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

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The future will soon be a thing of the past.

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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?

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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

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The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman's rate.

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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away

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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go…

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The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full,…

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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood -…

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The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls…

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Next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.'

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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second…

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My mother and I had a lot of distance between us emotionally, although, on the surface, most of the time, we appeared…

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Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought…

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I didn't wash today. I wasn't dirty. If I'm not dirty, I don't wash. Some weeks I don't have to shower at…

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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like…

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Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution,…

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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by…

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You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like…

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Voting is a meaningless exercise. I'm not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us…

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Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a…

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“I figured out years ago that the human species is totally fucked and has been for a long time. I also know…

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I had run away from home three times. I had been kicked out of three different schools under different circumstances. I was…

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I like to write without being stoned. I like to have a hit or two and then go punch up the writing.…

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As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone,…

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The ending of my experience with cocaine came in a periodic way. I would get high less frequently, I would use smaller…

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There's a part of me that is angry. Not in the sense of, "Gee, George is an angry guy!" I mean, anyone…

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But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being…

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“I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and…

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“The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse…

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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

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There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

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Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.

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Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take buy by the moments that take your breath away

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A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course…

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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and…

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More by George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…

“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…

“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…

Is there another word for synonym?

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?