Skip to content

Stupid people Quotes by George Carlin

63 Stupid people quotes by George Carlin

All Stupid people quotes George Carlin’s page

Stupidity is portrayed with sharp humor, pointing out odd facts like the best thing before sliced bread. Carlin’s jokes mock political systems, the ease of becoming president, and the strange power a large crowd of foolish people can hold. He also mixes absurd images, such as a cat with a leg, to highlight how silly everyday logic can be.

Rate this collection: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ No ratings yet

Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.

Image

Life is a zero sum game.

Image

The future will soon be a thing of the past.

Image

"No comment" is a comment.

Image

Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?

Image

I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

Image

Meow” means “woof” in cat.

Image

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Image

I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.

Image

Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

Image

No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it.

Image

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

Image

Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.

Image

And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

Image

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

Image

Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.

Image

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

Image

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.

Image

One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're…

Image

The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come…

Image

The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to…

Image

If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.

Image

Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends…

Image

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention…

Image

Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he…

Image

Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us.…

Image

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them…

Image

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over…

Image

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for.…

Image

Hooray for most things!

Image

So far, this is the oldest I've been.

Image

If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!

Image

Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole.

Image

Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.

Image

Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason

Image

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!

Image

I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.

Image

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

Image

Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?

Image

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Image

Other authors on Stupid people

More by George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.

Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken…

“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both…

“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out…

I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him.

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital…

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,…

Is there another word for synonym?

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the…

These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

More Stupid people Quotes by Authors:

Mitt Romney 31
Terry Pratchett 5
Mehmet Murat ildan 5
Toni Morrison 4
Oscar Wilde 3
Joseph Addison 3
John Stuart Mill 3
Donald Trump 3
Dean Koontz 3
Thomas Sowell 2