Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If a lobster didn't look like a sci-fi monster, people would be less able to drop him alive into boiling water. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a class clown, of the classic term for it. I would get the work done easily, and then I would… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
They'll get it all from you sooner or later 'cause they own this f**kin' place. It's a big club and you ain't… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I love individuals. I think people are terrific as I meet and get to know them. I like imagination. I like the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I'm not an angry person, just very disappointed and contemptuous of my fellow humans' choices - and on stage those feelings sometimes… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People can't seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure. Ever. There is only a… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you dropped me off a space platform onto the ground where a line was drawn, I would fall to the left… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people. — George Carlin Copy Share
