“One of the things you never want to be in this life is boring. But once, sad to say, I put my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m growing a love seat in my heart. It’s leather and covered in fur, from a mix up with my cat’s back,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats like to cuddle more than any other living creature, including zombies, which are only half dead.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dogs are exceptionally intelligent creatures. My dog, for example, taught me that not only am I a cat person, but that it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats are like mushrooms, only you'll rarely ever hear me scream, "Get off my pizza!" to a pack of mushrooms.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had to put away my toy so it didn’t get lost. After all, cats can’t read maps or ask for directions,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dear cat, your ears are flipped inside out, so I know you’re not listening to a word I’m not saying.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the sting of the slap towards him in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My blanket is a year old. And amazingly, it still purrs just as loud today as it did when it was a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could sleep with any literary character, I’d love to sleep with The Cat in the Hat. But don’t tell Cap’n,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a knife. And cats are… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wish I had been born with cat fur, whiskers, and a tail, though I guess I am grateful that at… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats are always there when you need them, asleep, telling you with their body language that they don’t need you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I were a professor, I’d bring my cat to class. I’d be silent until it meowed, and as soon as it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldnt have cried so hard, because with all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A great band name would be Tickling Whiskers. Especially if the lead singer is a cat. I’d love to audition for backup… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My writing, it’s all I have. Well, aside from my health. And shelter, food, and clothing. Oh, and my cat.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There should always be one more cat than person, so everyone has one to pet, and I have two to myself.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I knew everything, life would be lonely, as everyone else would want to explore the world, and I’d be content with… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but he will love you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Here’s what I’d love to see: A vending machine that dispenses cats for petting on your lunch break. Instead of money, the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like how cats’ ears can flip inside out. It’s as if they’re saying, Keep talking, human, but I’m not even listening.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
