Jokes Quote by Rip Taylor

“Once there was a new bride who wanted to prepare a special roast for her husband. Before putting the roast in the oven, she…

— Rachel Held Evans

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

— Rodney Dangerfield

Take me out the oven that is life, I am so done.

— Jack Binstead

Wanna hear a funny joke about my cooka? Never mind you wont get it.

— Casey

“For stalker food, Martha Stewart is the woman to go to.”

— Julie Powell

“I filled the vase with water and dropped the aspirin in before arranging the flowers. I turned to show my work to Mimi for…

— Kris Calvert

“afternoon, so I opened my jar of homemade batter and beat it with a spoon until it was fluffy again. Then I poured it…

— E.L. Todd

“When they’d filled the peppers and they were laid out in nice, neat, bacon-wrapped lines, she slid them into the oven. Then they went…

— Jenny Hale

Sometimes we adopt certain beliefs when we're children and use them automatically when we become adults, without ever checking them out against reality. This…

— Charlotte Sophia Kasl

“Then in June Linda got sick. Word went around town that Roger was looking real serious 'cause his wife was 'took ill bad'. So…

— Deborah Moffatt

“Honestly—and maybe some of you can relate to this—I just can’t stand the pressure of being responsible for hosting a memorable (and not in…

— Tim Gunn

“The joke went that everyone gained 5 pounds in baking class. I could see what they meant. It was held in the morning, when…

— Anthony Bourdain