Christmas Quote by Norm MacDonald

“Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!” quote by Norm MacDonald — Download Open image

“Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!”

Norm MacDonald

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Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

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I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things,…

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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

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In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can…

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So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit…

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You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the motion of the ocean, it's the boat of the lotion.' I've even heard variants..., it's not the tree or the size, it's the axe that you wax.' It's a whole sub-genre of poetry now that's taught…

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My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

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Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

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The notion of a non-religious Christmas is ridiculous. But so is the insistence on the part of Christians that politicians and retailers carry out their pro-Christmas crusade.

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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

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May you have the spirit of Christmas which is Peace, the gladness of Christmas which is Hope, and the Heart of Christmas which is…

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To my future children; you will know the true meaning of Christmas just not you get gifts.

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No sane local official who has hung up an empty stocking over the municipal fireplace is going to shoot Santa Claus just before a…

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For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

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There seems a magic in the very name of Christmas.

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Like everyone in his right mind, I feared Santa Claus.

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“I stopped keeping an eye out for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve because, when I was five, my mother told me that Santa was a wicked pervert who would cut off my peepee with a pair of scissors...if I didn't stop chattering about him, he would be certain to put me on his list and look me up. Christmas was…

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