“I will have you know there is probably less pineapple at your average luau than in my system at this moment” — Qwen Salsbury Food Copy Share Image
“IT IS A FACT, UNIVERSALLY ACCEPTED, that a single man in possession of a fine ass must be observed like wildlife” — Qwen Salsbury Animals Copy Share Image
“You mean beyond the obvious drawbacks of being involved with a self-proclaimed and unapologetic asshole?” — Qwen Salsbury Asshole Copy Share Image
“These are dark times. Darker still if we must forego the snooze button.” — Qwen Salsbury Dark times Copy Share Image
“Say who with the what now? Well, Merry Christmas and Ho Ho Holy Crap. Just what the hell have I been yammering… — Qwen Salsbury Christmas Copy Share Image
“How am I supposed to look unaffected and asexual with all this unfair fuckery happening?” — Qwen Salsbury Asexual Copy Share Image
“God, I'm not just in the neighbourhood of pathetic, I'm circling the block.” — Qwen Salsbury Qwen-salsbury Copy Share Image
“Let us observe the mating rituals of the lecherous North American lounge lizard in his native habitat: The Open Bar.” — Qwen Salsbury Lizard Copy Share Image
“This year, Rebecca instituted a White Elephant gift exchange, that passive-aggressive method of conveying just how little the people you see more… — Qwen Salsbury Gift Copy Share Image
“Day: Different. * Shit: Same. * Workload and Course Load: Big, steamy load. * Consider: Pro v. con of liquid diet. *… — Qwen Salsbury Bourbon Copy Share Image
“Wherever you are, dear butterfly, keep flapping your chaotic wings. Flap them. Flap them like your little life depends upon it... or… — Qwen Salsbury Butterfly Copy Share Image
“I look pretty good. More than good, actually, but I’m not a teenager anymore. Caution: Contents may have shifted during flight.” — Qwen Salsbury Flight Copy Share Image
“Incoming Text: Bert will be so disappointed. He had down that Canon would eat you alive by last night. Note to self:… — Qwen Salsbury Last night Copy Share Image
“REBECCA IS AN IMMORTAL. I know this because I have been giving her a look that can kill for the past three… — Qwen Salsbury Immortal Copy Share Image
“I do wish there were assless chaps. Not that I would wear them. But there is nothing funnier than the words assless… — Qwen Salsbury Chaps Copy Share Image
“We have been going over the proposal and possible concessions for the longest ninety minutes of my life. And I saw Battlefield… — Qwen Salsbury Life Copy Share Image
“WHY IS MY BATH COLD? Because I, purchaser of sadist shoes, needed to soak after wearing cheese graters on my feet yesterday… — Qwen Salsbury Copy Share Image
“Day of Employment: 362 8:11 p.m. * Day: Different. * Shit: Same. * Workload and Course Load: Big, steamy load. * Consider:… — Qwen Salsbury Wine Copy Share Image
