Crap Quote by Jim Jefferies

“My girlfriend buys stuff from Trader Joe's, and it's just subpar. When you buy a burrito, it crumbles the way a proper burrito shouldn't. Everything's just crap there.”

Jim Jefferies

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More by Jim Jefferies

I don't think comedy really does change people's minds; I think you can only get someone who is almost ready to change their mind.…

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There's a fallacy with stand up comedy, which is, people come up to comedians, and they go, 'You say what I think but I'm…

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I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and…

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I don't think that I am a Lefty in the sense that I grew up in countries that have a universal health-care system, but…

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I like to weed out the people who aren't going to enjoy me straight off the bat. If you look at all my specials,…

Jim Jefferies

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I used to be of the opinion that it didn't matter who you voted for. The world balanced itself out and kept on truckin'.…

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In my own life, hate has consumed me at times. Or envy. When my TV show was canceled, I didn't think it deserved to…

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There's a theory with comedy that you shouldn't do anything that's too topical in your specials because people won't be able to watch them…

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I have an uncle I no longer talk to because of a joke I made about my grandmother, who is his mother. He's an…

Jim Jefferies

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If I didn't have a gig, I used to ring up all the comedy clubs across the country and go, 'If anyone drops out,…

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I don't think I've ever prayed in my entire life, never sat and had an imaginary chat with God.

Jim Jefferies

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I definitely think the formula to making my character seem sweet is to let him act like a jerk, give him a redeeming moment,…

Jim Jefferies

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Explore all 84 Jim Jefferies quotes

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When you're the director and the writer, you never have to remember your lines, and there's no one to call you on it. On…

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There's too many people in seats of power who just haven't got a clue what they're doing. They're bean counters, and it just pisses…

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Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes.

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I don't take crap from anyone, so that makes people think I'm rebellious. I'm not. I'm just not a pushover.

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Most of what Hollywood puts out is crap anyway.

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Don't worry, be crappy. Revolutionary means you ship and then test... Lots of things made the first Mac in 1984 a piece of crap…

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People say you shouldn't eat carbs, but that's crap. I just try to stay away from white ones.

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“I wanted us to have an adventure. Because I love that crap. Because I'm not whatever-her-name-is. I don't think it's oh so hard to…

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If you think your management doesn't know what it's doing or that your organisation turns out low-quality software crap that embarrasses you, then leave.

Edward Yourdon