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Crushed Quote by Dana Gould

“My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.” quote by Dana Gould — Download Open image

“My first open mic was fantastic. I crushed. And my second mic was as bad as my first one was good.”

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Crushed Fantastic Firsts Mics Open mic

More by Dana Gould

As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can…

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The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes.

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Somewhere, there's someone who's masturbation ritual ends with them setting up ventriloquist dummies facing the bed. I mean, someone else.

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I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I'm obnoxiously polite with the waiters: 'I just want a tuna sandwich. I'll go get…

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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.

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Despite a primitive brain, the octopus possesses an intricate system that helps it decide which tentacle to masturbate with.

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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because…

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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.

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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible…

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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.

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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.

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More Crushed quotes

My God, whose son, as on this night, took on Him the form of man, and for man vouchsafed to suffer and bleed, controls thy hand, and without His behest, thou canst not strike a stroke. My God is sinless, eternal, all-wise, and in Him is my trust, and though stripped and crushed by thee, -though naked, desolate, void of…

Charlotte Bronte

When you rely on incentives, you undermine virtues. Then when you discover that you actually need people who want to do the right thing,…

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When we start helping the weak and the poor to rise everyone will begin to change. Those who have power and riches will start to become more humble, and those who are rising up will leave behind their need to be victims, their need to be angry or depressed…This is the spirituality of life, that helps people to rise up…

The mountain of history books under which we all stand leans so heavily in the other direction-so tremblingly respectful of states and statesmen and…

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I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.

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Human nature is full of riddles; . . . one of those riddles is: how is it that people who have been crushed by the sheer weight of slavery and cast to the bottom of the pit can nevertheless find strength in themselves to rise up and free themselves first in spirit and then in body while those who soar…

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

The aims of these three groups are entirely irreconcilable. The aim of the High is to remain where they are. The aim of the Middle is to change places with the High. The aim of the Low, when they have an aim-for it is an abiding characteristic of the Low that they are too much crushed by drudgery to be…

“As I enter the small intestine I get squeezed by muscles. Its dark and the walls look like slimey crushed velvet theres pancreas juice…

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I like you better this way." For some reason, admitting this made her face go hot right away; she was very glad that he…

Maggie Stiefvater

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My self-esteem had been crushed through years of childhood bullying and serious abuses, which would take me decades to overcome.

Bryant H. McGill

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It's sad that as crushed Millennials we live in the shadow of our parents, our fathers. We aren't willing to murder our government. It's…

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I was broken in body, soul, and spirit. My natural elasticity was crushed, my intellect languished, the disposition to read departed, the cheerful spark…

Frederick Douglass

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