Balance Quote by Christopher Titus

My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!

— Christopher Titus

Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the…

— Christopher Titus

I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest.…

— Christopher Titus

My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer.…

— Christopher Titus

Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after…

— Christopher Titus

Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.

— Christopher Titus

All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on…

— Christopher Titus

Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.

— Christopher Titus

Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

— Christopher Titus

When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could…

— Christopher Titus

If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.

— Christopher Titus

Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

— Christopher Titus