Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
The towers fell, and the first thing that went through my head was my dad's voice: 'Well, you brought a new life… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
When you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents. I'm… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
How come Mom is crazy and I'm not? Well, it's possible my mom could stand up in front of this many people… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Blood doesn't make you family. Hell, an only child can bleed. It's the sharing of pain that makes you family. 'Cause, you… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Vengeance, is good. You give it, you get it. It's all part of what makes us human. So thank god for vengeance.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Humans are born, small, weak and helpless. That's why we have family. And the elders of the family are the honoured guardians… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father, never chooses me for anything. If you needed a kidney and I offered him mine, well, pfft. Well, he'd take… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
How far would you go for someone you love ? Well, when my grandkids ask me how I pledged my love to… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. Just make sure you clear the bold move with… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that! — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer.… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could… — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy. — Christopher Titus Copy Share Image
