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Woman Quotes by Joan Rivers
- Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
- A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
- I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
- One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
- My mother was a very elegant woman. When a flying saucer landed on the lawn, she turned it over to see if it was Wedgwood.
- My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.
- A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
- When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
- I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three…
- Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy,…
- Lying about having work done is such a put-down to women. It says to the average woman: 'I'm beautifully naturally and you're not.'
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- I like being a strong, independent woman, and to be honest, I was never afraid to be on my own. — Dido Armstrong
- Hitherto I have courted Truth with a kind of Romantick Passion, in spite of all Difficulties and Discouragements: for knowledge is thought… — Mary Astell
- We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. — Margaret Atwood
- A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. — Jane Austen
- An engaged woman is always more agreeable than a disengaged. She is satisfied with herself. Her cares are over, and she feels… — Jane Austen
- It sometimes happens that a woman is handsomer at twenty-nine than she was ten years before. — Jane Austen
- In nine cases out of ten, a woman had better show more affection than she feels. — Jane Austen
- No man is offended by another man's admiration of the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it… — Jane Austen
- Woman is fine for her own satisfaction alone. No man will admire her the more, no woman will like her the better… — Jane Austen
- It is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. — Jane Austen
- When a woman reaches twenty-six in America, she's on the slide. It's downhill all the way from then on. It doesn't give… — Lauren Bacall