« All Tell Quotes · Joan Rivers's Page
Tell Quotes by Joan Rivers
- I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.
- I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
- I've learned from doing my own show with Fox that people are not your partners if they're signing the checks. Whoever signs your paycheck is…
- There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I've Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment…
- Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
- I have to tell you that it's not going to be easy. Take every chance and every opportunity that you can. Don't say 'I can't'…
- "I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to…
- If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful…
- Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say,…
- The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over…
More Tell Quotes
- If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them. — Pietro Aretino
- We're not a political band. We don't want to tell people what to do or what to think. We just want to… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- I tell my students, it's not difficult to identify with somebody like yourself, somebody next door who looks like you. What's more… — Chinua Achebe
- What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them,… — Dave Attell
- I'd like to see the giant squid. Nobody has ever seen one. I could tell you people who have spent thousands and… — David Attenborough
- It's extraordinary how self-obsessed human beings are. The things that people always go on about is, 'tell us about us', 'tell us… — David Attenborough
- I'm a practised writer now. But when I began, I had no idea what this was going to be. I just knew… — Chinua Achebe
- A reader can never tell if it's a real thimble or an imaginary thimble, because by the time you're reading it, they're… — Margaret Atwood
- I hate to tell you this, but you will never actually go to a galaxy far, far away and encounter Darth Vader.… — Margaret Atwood
- Storytelling is a very old human skill that gives us an evolutionary advantage. If you can tell young people how you kill… — Margaret Atwood
- You could tell 'The Handmaid's Tale' from a male point of view. People have mistakenly felt that the women are oppressed, but… — Margaret Atwood
- 'Healing,' Papa would tell me, 'is not a science, but the intuitive art of wooing nature.' — Wystan Hugh Auden