« All Said Quotes · Steven Wright's Page
Said Quotes by Steven Wright
- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
- I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
- When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
- I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
- I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign…
- Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I…
- I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not…
- I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign…
- I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The whole time.
- I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be…
- Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took…
- A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it…
- My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said,…
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- Live never to be ashamed if anything you say or do is published around the world, even if what is said is… — Richard Bach
- We want, in fact, not so much a father in heaven as a grandfather in heaven: a senile benevolence who, as they… — C.S. Lewis