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Out Quotes by Dave Barry
- We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.
- Microsoft has a new version out, Windows XP, which according to everybody is the 'most reliable Windows ever.' To me, this is like saying that…
- You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge…
- There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don't hold that against them. They…
- It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in…
- I have seen women walk right past a TV set with a football game on and - this always amazes me - not stop to…
- And to you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income…
- Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed…
- If Congress were to pass a 'flat' tax, you'd simply pay a fixed percentage of your income, and you wouldn't have to fill out any…
- Why can't Americans do their own taxes? Because the federal Tax Code is out of control, that's why. It's gigantic and insanely complex, and it…
- During the warm season (August 8 and 9), Maine is a true vacation paradise, offering visitors a chance to jump into crystal-clear mountain lakes and…
- People don't think of writers as sex objects. The women who write to me and suggest that we ought to have sex usually turn out…
- Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . .…
- Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.
- There is nothing as relaxing as being out on the open sea, listening to the waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs…
- The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground…
- In Spain, attempting to obtain a chicken salad sandwich, you wind up with a dish whose name, when you look it up in your Spanish-English…
- The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones.
- Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For…
- The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to…
More Out Quotes
- Economic growth may one day turn out to be a curse rather than a good, and under no conditions can it either… — Hannah Arendt
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can give you… — Alexis Arguello
- In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the… — Aristotle
- Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects; because men are… — Aristotle
- Stories surge up out of nowhere, and if they feel compelling, you follow them. You let them unfold inside you and see… — Paul Auster
- Films and television and even comic books are churning out vast quantities of fictional narratives, and the public continues to swallow them… — Paul Auster