Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

There was the joke about Switzerland being an island surrounded by land. This was never true. — Samuel Schmid
I used to do this big rant at the end of some gigs with Ben Folds Five. The band broke into this big heavy metal… — Ben Folds
Well when I made my first record I thought it would be a good joke to have me on one side, have the lable say… — John Fahey
The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy. — Mark McKinney
I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies. — Rahm Emanuel
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically. — David Cross
I always thought security was a joke at New York airports, and in U.S. airports to begin with. You can go through any European or… — Richard Drew
I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a… — Bob Woodward
That was really so upsetting when you are trying to pass on some very serious knowledge and be basically, treated worse than a student coming… — Miroslav Vitous
The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do. — Sandra Bullock
See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy. — H. Rap Brown
I laughed, even if I was the butt of the joke. — Pete Waterman
Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke. — Alan Dundes
When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression. — Bill Bryson
You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else. — Robert Louis Stevenson
Last Friday night, I Twitted a photograph of myself that I intended to send as a direct message as part of a joke to a… — Anthony Weiner
I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes. — Dave Attell
It was this weird confrontation of these two delicious flavors that got me consciously or subconsciously combining Lincoln and vampires as an observational in-joke with… — Seth Grahame-Smith
My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my… — Stephen Colbert
Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself. — Karl Lagerfeld
Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first time I ever… — Harlan Coben
I love doing theaters, cracking people up, hearing them physically roll in the aisles. But we need to get serious. These are serious times. No… — James Gandolfini
So when you tell a joke, you want to make someone laugh, or if you tell a story about someone who had a heart attack,… — Peter Guber
I always make the joke that I go home, to one of my homes, to go and do laundry so I can go on the… — Hugh Masekela
I always joke that a makeup-free day is good for the pores. — John King

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: