Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

An audience who watches my shows knows who I am, knows that right when they think I'm going to make a joke, I'm going to… — Joss Whedon
I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because… — Joss Whedon
The audience today has heard every joke. They know every plot. They know where you're going before you even start. That's a tough audience to… — Betty White
Everybody I know is a joke writer. — Ron White
I have always noticed that deeply and truly religious persons are fond of a joke, and I am suspicious of those who aren't. — Alfred North Whitehead
When in doubt, go for the dick joke. — Robin Williams
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? — Steven Wright
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke… — Steven Wright
I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with… — Steven Wright
I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I… — Steven Wright
I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a… — Martin Yan
You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!. — Rob Zombie
My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something… — Mark Zuckerberg
Chennai is one of the scariest crowds to face. Everyone looks so conservative, but once you crack the first joke, they are so appreciatively loud… — Vir Das
If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with the processing of… — Douglas Rushkoff
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this… — Woody Allen
The truth is always an insult or a joke, lies are generally tastier. We love them. The nature of lies is to please. Truth has… — Katherine Dunn
White men have screwed this country up! I would like a black, femaleâ€¦. everything all rolled into one.I want something different. I want a real… — Denis Leary
No reason to get excited,' the thief, he kindly spoke, There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. — Bob Dylan
All of Creationâ€™s a farce. Man was born as a joke. In his head his reason is buffeted Like wind-blown smoke. Life is a game.… — William Shakespeare

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1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: