Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned… — Russell Baker
Perhaps there can be too much making of cups of tea, I thought, as I watched Miss Statham filling the heavy teapot. Did we really… — Barbara Pym
Italians have a little joke, that the world is so hard a man must have two fathers to look after him, and that's why they… — Mario Puzo
Whenever the devil harasses you, seek the company of men or drink more, or joke and talk nonsense, or do some other merry thing. Sometimes… — Martin Luther
I'd heard of Evergreen Care Center before. Cass and I had always made fun of the stupid ads they ran on TV, featuring some dragged-out… — Sarah Dessen
Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity there is no time. Eternity is a… — Hermann Hesse
If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign. — James A. Owen
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke. — Kurt Vonnegut
If fate doesn't make you laugh, you just don't get the joke. — Gregory David Roberts
They all think any minute I'm going to commit suicide. What a joke. The truth of course is the exact opposite: suicide is the only… — Walker Percy
When I told him on the phone that after all you and I would not be getting married, he said "Oh-oh. Do you think you'll… — Alice Munro
But if you were Charlotte, and you had been feeling that life was some cosmic joke that had no punchline, and in the space of… — Anne Ursu
And there's a cop over there." "What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that stood at the corner of the street, "You… — Ally Carter
High school wasn't a trial by fire or some ordeal that had to be survived. It was all a big joke. You just had to… — Scott Westerfeld
Little fussy Otto, in his red-lined black opera cloak with pockets for all his gear, his shiny black shoes, his carefully cut widow's peak and,… — Terry Pratchett
And it's Gryfindor in possession again, as Johnson takes the Quaffleâ€” Flint alongside her â€”poke him in the eye, Angelina â€”it was a joke, professor,… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
The wisest and the best of men, nay, the wisest and best of their actions, may be rendered ridiculous by a person whose first object… — Jane Austen
Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world… — Alan Moore
Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke. — Stephen Colbert
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?" It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army." I… — Janet Evanovich

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: