Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. — Mitch Albom
The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke. We're so weak physically, so helpless with things. Still,… — John Fowles
Fine - I said huffily. - But I hope I'm at least allowed to fly around the corridors during lunch hour. Gabriel threw me a… — Alexandra Adornetto
Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life. — Stephenie Meyer
Oh, and Cammie," At the sounds of his voice, I spun around, expecting to hear him crack a joke or call me Gallagher Girl. The… — Ally Carter
It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells. — Hilary Mantel
Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been… — Alexandra Adornetto
Sarah Palin uses me as a laugh line in her stump speeches. If you're willing to turn me into a joke, you should also be… — Rachel Maddow
There is an old joke that went around- it goes, in the beginning God made man in His own image, and since the fall, man… — Alistair Begg
No wonder we cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity… — David Foster Wallace
Keep your shirt on," she said with a laugh at her bad joke. "Your clothes are at the laundry. They'll deliver them as soon as… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke. — Neil Gaiman
I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything. — Douglas Coupland
Everybody is waiting for the end to come, but what if it already passed us by? What if the final joke of Judgment Day was… — Jonathan Nolan
You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told… — Ilona Andrews
Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not… — Alain de Botton
Yeah, a lot more than he likes you," said Oh. It didn't look like Milo appreciated the joke very much. "That's debatable," said Milo. "Is… — Patrick Carman
Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful, and tough to… — Gretchen Rubin
Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One chocolate… — Cassandra Clare
I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was… — Tina Fey
You've no idea how good an old joke sounds when you take it out again after a rest of five or six hundred years. — C.S. Lewis
The smallest decisions made had such profound repercussions. One ten-minute wait could save a life… Or end it… One wrong turn down the right street… — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Is anything wrong, dear? the old joke went. No, why? You moved. Just don't move. — Margaret Atwood
Life must go on, even if it's no joke...just pretend to believe in the future. — Louis-Ferdinand Celine
The car emitted on last gasp and rolled to a stop, in the middle of the Altlantic Ocean. "We're here," Leven tried to joke. — Obert Skye

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: