Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

The 'good' mother, with her fixed smile, her rigidity, her goody-goody outlook, her obsession with unnecessary hygiene, is in fact a fool. It is the… — Rachel Cusk
The fine line between roaring with laughter and crying because it's a disaster is a very, very fine line. You see a chap slip on… — Roald Dahl
Sex is God's joke on human beings. — Bette Davis
The joke in aviation is, 'If you want to make a million, you'd better start with £10m.' — Bruce Dickinson
Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to… — Rita Dove
I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature. — Patty Duke
Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke. — Fred Durst
Postmodernism is among other things a sick joke at the expense of revolutionary avant-gardism. — Terry Eagleton
A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal,… — Max Eastman
A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke. — Jenny Eclair
Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome. — Thomas Stearns Eliot
A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being crazy off on… — Paul Feig
Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke. — F. Scott Fitzgerald
I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes. — Bruce Forsyth
All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That's kind of sad. If David was doing better… — Sammy Hagar
The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick,… — Steve Harvey
There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke… — Steve Harvey
Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke. — William Hazlitt
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of… — Mitch Hedberg
I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones. — Mitch Hedberg

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1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: