"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Adding Quotes
This quote is filed under Adding Quotes,
one of 432 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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An institution or reform movement that is not selfish, must originate in the recognition of some evil that is adding…
— Clara Barton
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Just to keep up with population growth, on average our economy needs to be adding about 125,000 jobs per month.
— Bob Beauprez
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Man is subject to innumerable pains and sorrows by the very condition of humanity, and yet, as if nature had…
— Joseph Addison
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To make an activity joyful, keep adding things until the activity as a whole becomes more appealing than repulsing.
— Martha Beck
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The past is our definition. We may strive with good reason to escape it, or to escape what is bad…
— Wendell Berry
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You're not going to make Hemingway better by adding animations.
— Jeff Bezos
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The courage to imagine the otherwise is our greatest resource, adding color and suspense to all our life.
— Daniel J. Boorstin
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Well, we know that people in Australia love the idea of both Impulse and Virgin Blue getting up and adding…
— Richard Branson
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Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to one's…
— Henri Frederic Amiel
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Sailing is just the bottom line, like adding up the score in bridge. My real interest is in the tremendous…
— Dennis Conner
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The doctrine of evolution implies the passage from the most organised to the least organised, or, in other terms, from…
— John Hughlings Jackson
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Circumstances may cause interruptions and delays, but never lose sight of your goal. Prepare yourself in every way you can…
— Mario Andretti
See all 432 Adding Quotes »